If You Are A Superhero, What Powers Would You Have?

It would be interesting to know what your answer is to that question. Feel free to enter your comments. For me, I think I would like to have the ability to read women's mind. Hmm..you know what, I think that could be disastrous too. Maybe it would be better to say to read the women of my life's mind. But what if I know things that she doesn't want me to know? That's no good...

I guess what I really need is to understand them and most likely that is what they need most from the men of their lives too.

It is so easy to see people's fault when you are agitated in an argument. But when I quietly and calmly reflect, I contributed to the heat too. When people argue, they naturally become defensive, and as a result, you don't see your own mistakes. Picture this, while you are driving, a car just cut into your lane as you are accelerating from the traffic lights, it's so easy to become angry. You become offended because you had to slam on the brakes and the slam left you in a shock. You become defensive and start saying that the driver is inconsiderate, selfish, and so on. But imagine this, he lifts up his hand through the window as a sign of apology, and then take out a sign saying that "My father is dying at home and I need to see him before the last breath". Ahh...your emotions change hah....This is true when we argue too. Argument starts when one of us does something that upsets someone. When upset, you become defensive, you start hearing false accusations and statements at yourself from your spouse. Seemingly tricked by your emotions, you decode your spouse as accusing you and you start to react offensively. And let round 1 begin!..Ting ting!! Now what happens...when your husband or wife, in the midst of the argument, broke down and cry and then said, "John, I am sorry for the constant nagging but that's because I only wanted you to do it for me one last time for the doctor told me that I only have 2 months to live." Aha, emotions change huh?...This shows how defensive we can be in an argument until we do not see what the real needs of each other is. All she wants is your love, all he wants is your respect. We suddenly become so focused on ourselves. We suddenly become so SELFISH! So you ask, where does this defensiveness come from? After all, you were never a selfish jerk. You are a good-willed person and you love your family. The answer is our nature as a rebellious person. Really, when I think about it, we are all naturally born rebellions. It started when Eve rebelled God from the beginning (controversial topic, but I would say Eve was the one who ate the apple first after being encouraged by Satan to rebel and then she influenced Adam), we rebel our parents even when we don't understand ABC yet. Even if I win the argument so what? And when I win, I actually lose. I lost her respect, I lost her love, I lost her admiration....etc. Instead, when I calm myself down, I humble myself and apologize and make it up to her, that is when I truly won...I won her heart, I won back her respect and love. After all, what seem to you is wrong, to her is correct and vice versa. Really, there is no right or wrong. Just different. That is what Dr Emerson, author of Love and Respect kept reminding us. My fellow readers, I am really grateful to God for teaching me this for I was a very stubborn person. I still am quite stubborn but for sure is gradually transforming. My fellow readers, it is never about how much percent of who is guilty or wrong, it is always about love and respect (read Ephesians 5:33). Whenever she is arguing back at you, she is actually flashing the message "I need your love"...and for women, whenever your guy is arguing back at you, he is flashing the message "I need your respect".

I know sometimes it is really hard to say I am sorry especially when you strongly believe that he or she is at wrong or he or she is being not reasonable or not rational. For me, I have learnt another new thing regarding this...that is Romans 5:8~ God demonstrates His love in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. God must have been really hurt and sad to see us rebel against Him and not admit that we are wrong. But guess what? He still died for us. Out of what? Out of love. So gentlemen out there, whenever you strongly believe your wife is wrong in an argument and she is not confessing her mistakes, be like Jesus, make the first move and humble yourself down. While she is still rebelling towards you, love her and apologize sincerely for causing the argument and making her angry. After all, husbands are told to love wives just as Christ love the church (Ephesians 5:25-28). The church is rebellious, nevertheless Christ love them. Your wife may be rebellious, nevertheless love her. And naturally when she feels loved, husbands will be respected just as the church respects and submits to Jesus (at least most good-willed wife will do that).

I totally understand when a man says that his wife is not rational at all when arguing. I am not saying women are not rational beings but at least this is what came across to many men when they are in a heated argument. Well, all I can say is that we need to be understanding whithout having to understand. Never dismiss her feelings no matter how illogical it seems to you and always accept her as someone who has her own opinion, choices and desires. Women are to be loved, not understood. Yes, of course understanding her is very important but in times when you cannot understand her, continue to love her. When you switch your feelings from dismissing her to loving her sincerely, naturally you will understand her and something complicated will seem to be all so simple. That is the challenge I lay onto the table today for all men and women the same. Love your wife when she is unlovable and respect your husband when he is unrespectable and remember do it with sincere heart.

Another lesson to learn from loving our wives as Christ loves the church. When Jesus was suffering and dying for us, He did not wait for everyone to submit to Him first. Instead, He died first and slowly men came to Him one by one. He first offered the gift first, and leave it to men to accept it. In other words, in any relationship, it's never about what the other person can do for you but always what you can do for the other person. Similarly, in a relationship, husbands, do not wait for the wife to submit to you and only then you start loving them. Make the first move. Wives, do not wait for the husband to start loving you to submit to him. Make the first move. Love is all about sacrifice. It would not be called sacrifice if you can give it up as easily as you accept.

There's still a lot I want to touch on this topic. It's really very interesting. But it's getting late now and I want to sleep. I would like to encourage those who are interested, to read the book titled Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. It's great! Check out the website too http://www.loveandrespect.com/.

My prayer is that God be with each and every couple out there struggling to make things work. May love and respect prevails in every home and also in my current relationship.